Goddess School

I posted a while back about the Creative Goddess e-course I was taking.

I haven’t written about it since that first week.  I’ve actually been at a loss about what to even say.

That is because it was so much more powerful than I had ever anticipated.

Our project for week 2 was to create a transformation arrow.  a stick decorated with fears, and all sorts of baggage that is simply no longer serving our soul’s journey.

Wrapped onto my stick is a whole lotta fear of putting myself out there, of sharing myself with people, with my community, and fears about giving what it is I have to offer this world.  Wrapped on that stick is my doubts about whether or not I even have anything to offer this world.  It’s about being willing to accept that not everyone is going to have an understanding or appreciation for what I do.  It about accepting disapproval.  And that is perfectly o.k. for others to disapprove of me.  I’ve realized that I am big enough to face the disapproval of others.   I do things that I am proud of, and I stand by those things no matter how others feel about them.

These are issues that simply can no longer stop me.

These are the lessons I want to teach my daughter as she navigates this big beautiful daunting joyful scary full of wonder treacherous playground ocean of life.  That it doesn’t matter what anybody else thinks, what matters is that she be proud of the things that she is doing.

To release these old no good fears of mine, I prayed hard, in the rain:)  I unraveled my stick into my magic compost pile, and buried it deep.  So that those old fears, like all things in my compost, and all earthly matters, break down and transform into rich fertilizer, so that they can become my allies, and my strength to serve growth, and confidence.

It is because I have experienced being afraid to share, I can better understand how to shine.

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2 Comments

  1. Mom said,

    May 13, 2010 at 11:20 pm

    Wow, Amanda. . . since you were a little girl, you had a uniqueness about you and a way of lighting up any room you walked into. I could write about a hundred and fifty pages or more about what you have to offer the world, but your Goddess school will take you through that process. That “tactile” exercise with the transformation arrow is a great one.

    And for what it’s worth, if you can figure some of it out at your stage of life, you’re way ahead of this mama, who is just now “coming out” to whomever reads this stuff–in my own way and time. You have always had excellent intuition, are a bit of a math genius, are a gifted “mimic”–meaning that you really can act and a natural artist with your hands and the ways that you speak and think. You can understand the abstract and poetry and all things a bit “mystical” whether it’s the healing power of a crystal or a work of literature.

    With all those “natural” gifts it doesn’t surprise me that all that energy is difficult to channel “one way”.

    The things you share are what make you “you”, authentic and generous with others. The earth and the fears you have let go of can be your allies. As well, you have a big village of them in family and friends. The greatest gift among these things is your deep, selfless, continuous protection of your precious little one and being the “heart” of your family.

    If I may speak a little about myself here–I think that in my family, I am the “heart” of it (in the sentimental sense), Jodi is the “mind/sense” and “doer” and your Uncle Mike is the “traveler” with a very, very tender heart for people in the world who are suffering in some way. Each of us has a role to play, and yours will make it clear to you if you listen. I love you with every part of my being, honey. Mom

  2. Martha Jewel said,

    May 14, 2010 at 8:59 pm

    Oh Amanda, what a wise woman you are. You inspire me with every word & every action. I only have one criticism…you are much too hard on yourself!!!! You are perfect just the way you are.


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